Before I hit the road for a couple of days, below are a few vacation tips I made up for you.
You might want to cancel your reservations if...
…your children (especially the teenagers) are way too happy you’re leaving.
…two days before you leave, your beachfront hotel calls to give you a free upgrade if you promise you aren’t the evacuatin’ type.
…you just saw your hotel on the television program America’s Scariest Most Gruesomely Haunted Unexplained Hotels.
…you Google toxic dump and your destination city is the number one hit.
…your parents are way too happy you’re leaving.
…you have to cancel a semester of college and two surgeries to cover the cost.
…your reservation confirmation letter is handwritten…in crayon.
…your airline can’t afford security so they have a “Bring Your Own Weapon” policy.
…your boss is way too happy you’re leaving.
…Anthony Bourdain won’t even eat there.
…veteran embedded reporters are begging to tag along saying they’ll bring their own flak jackets.