Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Massage, Thy Name is Ouchy

Every year for Administrative-Professionals-We're-Intellectually-Superior-To-Our-Bosses Day, our office invites in a few masseuses to masseuse us. We get the 20-minute chair variety and, as anyone who sits at a computer all day and half the night knows, a 20-minute chair massage is divine.

This year, APWISTOB Day was on the Wednesday of the week I got back from vacation. I told my appointed masseuse that I was desperately in need of my 20 minutes because my back had been killing me since I got back from vacation.

"When did you get back from vacation," she asked.

"Monday," I said.

As she worked on the knots in my shoulders she suddenly blurted, "You did this to yourself in two days?!"

Since that day, I vowed to get a professional one hour massage at least once a month. Five months later, I actually made good on my vow. I'm not very good with vowing, especially when I'm vowing to myself and it involves spending money.

Tonight was my second monthly massage or as I like to call it, "What The Hell Is She Doing Back There Day." "We" decided that I needed some work on my sinuses and some deep tissue...scratch that...A LOT of deep tissue work on my left shoulder.

Boys and girls, let me tell you, that woman bent me into positions I haven't been in since Spring Break 1976. At one point, I swear to you, I was as flat as the Coyote whenever he gets run over by that steamroller thingy.

After she finished the front-end alignment of my shoulders, she eventually made her way to my sinuses. Sinus work by a masseuse is not for the weak hearted. She somehow managed to invade my sinus cavities by going through my jawbone.

As I sit here, hunched over this keyboard rekinking my shoulders and restuffing my sinuses with the dust on this computer desk, I ask myself, "Was it worth it?" I think it must have been. Surely, something so painful has to be good for you, right?

I do feel more bendy, my head does feel a couple of pounds lighter and some of my cellulite had to have been squashed into oblivion in the whole pummeling process. Hell, that's worth a couple bucks, right there.


Leslie said...

Oh, sounds so painful. Yikes! I hope it helps, though.

Susan in St. Paul said...

I always get sick when they do "lymphatic draining" on me, I hope its isn't the same with you and the sinus stuff.

Those Chinese guys at the mall weren't bad, after the initial scream ;) Maybe give them a try while you're at it?

Sylvana said...

I get a monthly "maintenance massage" too. It is certainly worth it!

However, my massages are much more pleasant than yours sound. OUCH! Perhaps you should try someone else?

Lorna said...

Man, between your allergies and your massage, you need a doctor! Or a martini.

Laurie said...

Leslie - No pain, no gain, right?

Susan - We sure did cram a lot into that day didn't we? :)

Sylvana - She was a great masseuse. I had never had deep tissue before and I really had no idea I still had such a range of motion in my neck and shoulders.

Lorna - That's it! I haven't been drinking enough.

Beguile_Me said...

I'm a whimp. That's why I do yoga!

Laura said...

Those are the kind of massages I like. They accomplish something-- like recovering range of motion. Congrats on doing something good for yourself! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I do believe some very wise daughter-in-law mentioned something about you needing some work in your shoulders about 3 1/2 years ago...Oh yeah...ME!!! Congrats on finally treating yourself right :)


OldHorsetailSnake said...

This is when you get to say, "Oh, that hurts so good."

I never heard of a "sinus massage." What they do, run their pinky up your nostrils?

Laurie said...

Beguile Me - I tried yoga. I couldn't shut my brain off enough to enjoy it.

Laura - Thanks. :)

Jamie - Girl, were you ever right! I can't wait to tell you about it.

Old Horsetail - A pinky up my nostril would have been a welcome distraction, I tell you what.

Sophmom said...

I love deep tissue massage. It's a weird kind of "hurt" that doesn't really hurt to me. I've had her go into my face/jaw/mouth/etc. before and, while there was some immediate unpleasantness, there was also long-term gain. The biggest bonus for me was emotional. Somehow it lifted some old burdens.

Y'all stay dry down there in Humberto land.

Laurie said...

Sophmom - Will do!