Saturday, June 30, 2007

It Could Only Happen to Me

When strange things happen to me, they happen in clumps. I can go for weeks, nay months, without weirdness, then BANG. Weird.

This afternoon, I noticed a fly in my room. Not weird, you say? I have never had a fly in my house in the four years I've lived here, let alone upstairs. Not only that, I eventually noticed there were two huge ass flies instead of just one hyperactive fly as I had originally thought.

Weird number two was that my shower wouldn't drain. I grant you, that's not so weird, but it is out of the ordinary for my tub.

Here's the biggy. Before I went upstairs to get ready to go out for the evening, I went to close my front door and noticed one of my patio chairs was slightly off center. I'm anal about that sort of thing. So, I opened my storm door with the intention of reaching my foot outside to tilt the patio chair ever so slightly to the right.

When I pushed open the storm door, the whole door came apart in my hand. The handle and door frame it was attached to briefly stayed upright while the glass fell forward. It all happened in slow motion. As the weight of the handle and door frame became too heavy for me to hold, I watched the glass fall forward toward the concrete. I couldn't move. I stood there helplessly waiting for the crash of the glass on my patio and the inevitable pain of glass shrapnel embedding itself into delicate parts of my anatomy.

But, it didn't break.

The glass door fell in one big piece on top of the broken door frame. I stood there and looked at it and started to laugh. The part of the door frame with the pneumatic cylinder and hinges was still attached to my house while the other part, including the glass panel, laid ever so delicately on my patio. I've been Windexing that glass for five years and always assumed it was glass. I know it's not plastic, so I assume it's some sort of weird alien hybrid.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was weird like me?


Lorna said...

Now I can't get that frickinfrackin' song out of my head!

Neal said...

That's the best when you expect something to break and it doesn't.

Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

You and your weirdness. :) Love it.

Zina said...

just testing

Thomas said...

hahaha! Wish I could have been there to see it!

Susan in St. Paul said...


The glass probably just likes you for keeping it so clean all these years, and didn't break because it would miss you. Perhaps you should give the next door frame a bit more attention?

Seriously, I'm glad you didn't get hurt

Laurie said...

Lorna - Oh, and it's such a silly song. Sorry. :)

Neal - It was pretty cool.

Jen - Weird, weird, weird.

Zina - It worked!

Thomas - You would have laughed.

Laurie said...

Susan - Thanks. It was pretty wild.

A.J. said...

Wow, it sounds like one of those days where everything you touch or do goes wrong in some way or another. I have those days (pretty much every day).

Laurie said...

A. J. - Then, my cable modem went out!

Leslie said...

When you started talking about the flies, all I could think was Amityville Horror! with the priest and the flies. And the picture - is that an orb by your door? Do you have a ghost?

Laurie said...

Leslie - I thought about the Amityville Horror, too. I haven't had anymore flies though so I think I'm okay. I've lived in a haunted place before and I think I would feel it if this place was haunted. I do catch a lot of orbs in pictures but I'm sure it's dust. Lot's of dust here. :)

Inca From Peru said...

I have never had a fly in my house in the four years I've lived here, let alone upstairs.

One time my younger brother and my mother were sitting at the kitchen table. A fly that had been buzzing around the room finally landed on the wall. My mother said, "V---, will you get the flyswatter and kill that fly?"

My brother looked up from his newspaper and said, "I'll do it tonight."

Laurie said...

Inca - Hahahaha! Your poor mom. I hope she swatted HIM.