My blogging friend Lorna wrote a great post about loneliness and as I was writing a comment on the post, I thought I would carry the thought over to here and maybe you'll share your thoughts with us. Lorna and I have never met and have only known each other (wow, for almost 10 months!) through our blogs but we have a lot of things (thoughts, feelings, ideas, music, movies) in common. Her feelings on loneliness are no exception.
I enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy being in huge crowds or surrounded by friends and family. I only feel lonely for my family or friends at the exact moment they are leaving. After they're gone or, of course, while they're here, I'm fine. Our bonds are so permanent and indestructible that even when we're apart, the feelings of togetherness are there. My family and friends are as close as my thoughts. But the actual moment of parting tears at my heart.
Luckily, I'm easily distracted and live in a constant, blissful state of denial. That state of denial is a wonderful place which exists in the minds of those of us who can shove all sadness, regret and dissappoint so far into the deep dark recesses of our brains that they only rear their ugly heads in rare moments of self-pity or after drinking too much vodka.
11 comments:
Hey, Laurie - I commented at Lorna's blog about how there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. It's not the same. And often I'm lonelier in a crowd of people than I am when I'm the only one in the house. (Perhaps it's the writer in me -- I just think more clearly when I'm alone. Not that I want to be alone all the time - just don't mind it. And sometimes relish it.)
Or self-pity after drinking too much vodka. That's happened a time or two to the best of us.
But what Donna says is true. Being lonely is kind of an illusion. It's something mentally manufactured. But like all things mentally manufactured, it can be a bitch.
Thankfully, most of us can reach out to friends, family and even our extended Internet friends when the lonliness becomes too much. Those of us who can are lucky. Some people, for whatever reasons, can't do that.
good attention span there---couldn't make it past the title.
It's interesting how many people feel the same way, but I'd never heard anyone say that before...usually we're writing about lurving people to death.
I used to feel a brief tinge of sadness when leaving my parents to go home some 500 miles away. Then by circumstances out of my control, I ended up working for a company only 40 miles away. Now I have to beat them away with a stick whenever they come knocking at my door.
I hate saying good-bye to my children (especially the two who live so far away). That said, I love solitude, have lived in a crowd for most of my life and scheme towards the day when I will have more time alone. The lonliest I've ever been was in my marriage.
Interesting post, thanks.
I like to be alone when I'm driving. I like to just listen to my music and tune everything else out. However, for just about anything else I don't like to be alone. I don't like to go out alone, travel for work by myself, eat lunch, etc. I like having friends and/or family with me. This is going to sound strange...but I'll share...I don't like to think of dying because I think I will be lonely and miss my friends and family.
I do think you become a much different person the more time you spend alone. I have lived alone for about 8 years and I think even though growing older changes the person you are, living by yourself can change who you are even more.
Lonely/Loneliness - Being without company.
Lonesome/Lonesomeness - Sad from the lack of companionship.
Yearn/Long/Hunger - to feel a longing or craving; a strong desire; to feel tenderness or compassion; to desire fulfillment.
The ability to be alone and still feel fulfilled is a "state of the heart" that the marjority of human beings do not possess or I suppose do not understand. Family and friends are the spices of our lives, not the main ingredients.
I've been in a relationship for about 18 years now, we use to work together and therefore together 24/7. We now work in different places and have different schedules. At the beginning I loved having a constant companion. But now that the relationship and I'm much older, I like having to to myself. I get bored...but never lonely. I LOVE IT...because I have a choice. If it were mandatory I don't think I would like it too much.
But then again...when I'm home by myself, I do have one dog and two cats who keep me entertained.
Everyone - We seem to have a craving for solitude in common. Perhaps, it's the writer in us like Donna said. All of your answers were great and I enjoyed reading them. I think I'll do something like this again sometime. Thanks!
I have spent a lot of time alone in my life (especially before I met Mrs. CA). Most of this time is enjoyable and stimulating. When it does change to loneliness, I can't put my finger on exactly what alchemy does the trick. I think it's a function of how secure I feel in myself.
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