Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'd Rather be a Mitch (Morning Bitch)

I recently read an article about how to wake up refreshed and ready to enjoy your day. I'd rather be unfreshed. Thanks, anyway.

  • Note good things to come - write yourself a note about something good that's going to happen the next day and put it by your alarm clock.

Why it won't work for me:

My lunch plans will not make me one bit happier about having to get out of bed.
  • Keep a cool bedroom.

Why it won't work for me:

Already do it. Still not happy about getting out of bed. What else you got?

  • Surround yourself with color.

Why it won't work for me:

How do bright colors help my mood through tightly shut lids?

  • Put flowers by your bedside.

Why it won't work for me:

Smelling flowers all night will make me have bad dreams about funerals and tragic '70s teen dances wearing huge sickeningly sweet smelling corsages.

  • Don't hit the snooze button.

Why it won't work for me:

Don't hit the snooze button? Bite me. The snooze button is one of God's greatest inventions.

  • Visualize your day.

Why it won't work for me:

Isn't visualizing my day the main reason I don't want to get out of bed?

  • Drink a big glass of water.

Why it won't work for me:

Okay, this one might work because I'll have to get up to pee...eventually.

  • Let the light in.

Why it won't work for me:

Light? Please, I could sleep on the sun. Light. Hah!

  • Rub yourself awake - massage your face.

Why it won't work for me:

Wouldn't I have to be awake to massage my own face?

  • Have sex.

Why it won't work for me:

Never, never, never wake me for sex. Never wake me for anything. In fact, if the house is on fire, gently take me by the hand and lead me outside. Do not, under any circumstances, actually speak to me. I'll wake up...eventually.

11 comments:

Just a Plane Ride Away said...

Hilarious, as usual!

I would say that the only bad thing about being a parent is that one is FORCED into being a morning person. The only problem is, sometimes my night owl tendencies come out = very little sleep = not a pretty sight.

Apartment for Peggy said...

1. I once woke up just long enough to tell Steve the fan motor was burning up.
2. I once woke up long enough to tell Steve to quit shaking the bed, when I realized he wasn't there I went back to sleep. I found out the next morning it was an earthquake.

Laurie said...

Just - I love puppy sitting my son's dog. However, dogs have things they simply must do before I'm ready to get out of bed. I've mastered the art of getting up, letting him out and going back to bed only barely conscious.

Peggy - Hahahaha!!! I once slept through a train wreck about 100 yards from my house. I woke up the next morning, stopped at the stop sign at the end of my street, looked to the left and train cars were laying about like a child had pushed them off a toy track. It was then that I remembered something during the night, literally, making me jump about an inch in my bed.

Anonymous said...

I'm so jealous. Even sleeping hard my dog's whisper bark wakes mu up. He can also wake me up by hitting the mattress with his big fluffy cocker spaniel paws.

Maybe its my puppy "mother" hearing.

Baby sis

JerseyTjej said...

Hey!
Long time no surf by! I am checking in on my blog roll to see who is alive and who is just postering! I luve the new hat logo and cannot find baby photos...Where are the pix?

JerseyTjej said...

ps..(no pun intentended about getting up to pssss) The sun comes up about 0140 in the morning and sets about 1150 give or take a few seconds...minutes. As of June 21st which is the longest day of the year ( midsommor) we get to drink and stay up for nearly 24 hours!!! WOO HOO!!! Like that is not what we do all the other 364 days of the year, LOL!!!

Susan in St. Paul said...

I had a job once I couldn't wait to get up for, I would jump out of bed, and I would have a hard time going home. I wish I would get something like that again...

Having lunch with the sock would make me happy to get up, as would getting up for sex, though I would probably go back to sleep afterwards, lol

You could put your ac on a timer to go off before you need to get up, so your shower would be a good reason to get up, it works for some I am told ;-)

I don't like to be woken up, but I don't mind getting up for things if that makes sense.

solopoesie said...

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Laurie said...

Baby Sis - When Oakley sleeps with me, I don't even notice him. I'll roll over during the night and find his head sharing my pillow.

Jersey - Hey! Check out the labels on the sidebar and click on "Ava."

Susan - When I'm asleep, nothing seems important enough to wake up.

Solopoesie - Ciao!

Lorna said...

brilliant!

Laurie said...

Lorna - :)