Saturday, December 15, 2007

You Can Follow Me Anywhere

I was looking at my cell phone display the other day and noticed a symbol I didn't recognize. I pulled out my instruction book and, lo and behold, my phone has some sort of GPS system.

I know that most people don't like the idea of the possibility of being tracked all the time. However, as a person who once suddenly came out of some sort of trance while driving down Dowlen Road and panicked when I didn't recognize the backside of Barnes & Noble, I think a tracking device, in my case anyway, is a great idea.

I wouldn't mind if you all had a little display in the corner of your computer screens watching me drive to and fro, hither and yon. That way, if you noticed me circling the same block two or three times, you could call me and point me in the right direction.

I also would not be opposed to the medical community or the government or Bill Gates implanting a little chip in my wrist so that hospitals and doctors' offices could scan me and know my complete medical history. Go ahead. Barcode me, baby.

Anything that would keep me from having to fill out one more medical history form in one more doctor's office is fine by me. Auto accident? No need to go back and look for that toe. One quick scan of my wrist implant would tell you all about my unfortunate tractor accident of 1986.

Who cares if all my information accidentally went public. Yeah, I've had most of my nonessential internal organs removed and the aforementioned unfortunate toe incident. If that's going to make me a social outcast or unemployable, I don't really care. That's just how much I hate filling out forms.

By the way, I didn't lose my toe in a tractor accident in 1986. It was a poker game in Nam, 1972.


George said...

That was you in that foxhole outside of Khe Sanh! You cheated me out of $3.26. I hope you remember that missing toe every time you're offered a 10-percent discount on pedicures.

Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

I am most sure I had some clever comment about your toe, but lost it while laughing at George's "10-percent off pedicures" comment. :)

se7en said...

All I can say is LOL hehe


Lorna said...

Here in Canada, we already have that implant---unfortunately mine is the reject of a woman who is 86 and has sworn off sex in the last six months

solopoesie said...

Carissima Laurien
e da tanto che non venivo nel tuo blog
Ti auguro un buon inizio di settimana
Un abbraccio ....Lina

TexasGal said...

I agree with you on the whole form filling out thing. So how does the GPS thingie work?

Grimm said...

My phone has one of the really cheap GPS where when you click on it for it to tell you where you are, all it says is:

"Yep, you're lost."

Laurie said...

George - HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Jen - That was hilarious, wasn't it?

Se7en - :)

Lorna - Hahahaha!

Solo Poesie - Ciao!

Texas Gal - It has something to do with 911 being able to find you. I think The Authorities can use it if you've been kidnapped or something, too.

Grimm - Hahahaha!

Leon J. de la Garza said...

that's the way!

im all for gps too..

although, i dont really have gps..


im jhehe im gonna stop typing now

Laurie said...

Leon - Warm up!

Leslie said...

The GPS thing is cool. The microchip? I don't know. They're always screwing up my medical records. What if they messed up my chip? It could be bad. Very bad.

Laurie said...

Leslie - Very good point. Very good. Never mind.