Thursday, December 06, 2007

In Laurie's Brain: A Gyno Visit...in a Pear Tree

Sing this to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Seriously, sing it out loud. Your co-workers won't mind. Truly they won't.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
my gyno said to me
Hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
I play golf with your new boss.
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Please sign this waiver.
I play golf with your new boss.
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

13 comments:

Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

HAAAAAHAHAAAA!

This would have been inappropriate subject matter at the sexual harassment seminar from which I have just returned. :)

Donna said...

You are too funny, Laurie! Thanks for the laugh!

Laurie said...

Jen - Which makes it even funnier.

Donna - You are quite welcome. :)

George said...

I'm NEVER complaining again! And I think the most disarming is the 'I played golf with your boss (so he knows that you have . . .).' Once again, thank you, God, for making me a man.

George

Leslie said...

You have a true gift for Christmas parodies. Hilarious!

Lorna said...

I can't get the "Any S-T-Ds?" line out of my head However I like it better than 5 Golden Rings?

neil said...

Was it wrong of me to try and visualize all that? I mean, it seemed all right at the time.

Grimm said...

Girl, I cannot touch you when it comes to rewriting songs. You are truly the Weird Al of the holidays.

Laurie said...

George - We ladies always wonder who our gyno is friends with that we might also know.

Leslie - Thanks! :)

Lorna - Then, my work here is done. :)

Neil - Knock yourself out. :)

Grimm - I strive for weird. Perhaps I'll do another.

sophmom said...

LMAO. Great, hilarious post. Well said, Laurie!

The Youngest was at a party at a friend's house not too long ago. It was most likely an inappropriate party that (most likely) included (some) underage consumption of alcoholic beverages (I'm just guessing). Late in the evening the parents returned from their evening out and the dad (who also happened to be my Gyno) walked out into the backyard, surveyed the (inebriated) crowd and hollered, "How many of you hoodlums did I deliver?" The Youngest proudly raised his hand.

It's a small world.

Dotcalm

P.S. I hate blogger's new comment interface. GRRRRR.

Laurie said...

Sophmom/Dotcalm - That story's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

(Regarding the new comment interface, I'm going to hope that's why my comments have gone way down. I love denial.)

Peggy said...

My appointment's Thursday. Guess what I'll be humming as I'm in the stirups?

Laurie said...

Peggy - Hahahaha! Good!!