What the...?

There are different degrees of "What the...?" "What the f*ck?!" should never be used when "What the heck?" will do. For example:

What the heck?
Your television won't turn on, but it's just dead batteries in the remote.
What the hell?
You turn on your television and the only channel you can catch is Noggin because your piece of shit cable box is screwed up again.
What the f*ck?!
Somebody broke into your house and stole your television.

What the heck?
You get home from Taco Bell and the window chick gave you mild sauce when you specifically requested FIRE.
What the hell?
You get home from Taco Bell and the window chick didn't give you any sauce at all.
What the f*ck?!
You get home from Taco Bell and you have a BEAN burrito instead of a BEEF burrito.

What the heck?
While getting in your car, you notice a scratch in the paint that wasn't there yesterday.
What the hell?
Someone bumps your car while opening their car door.
What the f*ck?!
You get rear-ended at a stop sign...by someone talking on their cell phone.

What the heck?
There's a kid floating around Colorado in a tin foil balloon?
What the hell?
The kid was hiding in the attic the whole time?
What the f*ck?!
The kid threw up on the Today Show?
Seriously...what the f*ck?!?!
The kid's dad is totally off-the-wall-bat-sh*t-crazy.

Seriously.

What the f*ck?