Thirty Minute Meals - Forget About It

1. Cook some Uncle Ben's Ready Rice - 90 seconds
2. Cook any variety of Bird's Eye Frozen Vegetables with Sauce - 4 minutes
3. Heat some precooked chicken or beef - 1 minute
4. Stir it all together.
5. Eat.

Sex Offenders in Your Neighborhood

Click on this website and enter your address. The map will show a house icon. That house is your house. The other colored boxes are the homes of sex offenders. If you click on the individual boxes you will see a name and picture of the person along with his crime.

http://www12.familywatchdog.us/

Fun With Anagrams

This is an automatic anagram generator. Here's how my name plays out...


Laurie Kay Ransonette Anderson

anagrams to

Radiantly keen erroneous Satan

Laurie Kay Anderson

anagrams to

Darkly arouse inane

You Dirty Rat

Rat Squirrel Not Extinct After All
My cousin, Zina, sent along this picture and article about an animal thought to be long extinct. She thought it would go nicely with the other weird animal posts on this blog. By George, I think she's right.

Fresh Baked: Burner Brownies

It occurred to me a couple of days ago that I grew up in the 70's and never (that I know of) ate marijuana brownies. Then, I began to wonder, exactly how would one go about making such a thing? As you might have guessed, there are lots of sites out there that will tell you just how to do that. I won't link to those sites here because I think you should work for your buzz.

Evidently, cooking with marijuana involves combining the marijuana with butter and straining through cheese cloth and various other kitchen/cooking type activities. One site advises that you and your guests wait an hour after eating a brownie (or cookie or piece of cake - there are lots of ways to cook with marijuana) because the buzz is different and even experienced pot smokers might not recognize that they are already high before grabbing for that next treat.

So, Google on Garth, or, if you prefer, YAHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!


Here's a poll:

The Mighty Boosh

I love it and I don't know why. (You can watch it on BBC America if you live on the wrong side of the pond.)

Sufferin' Succotash

Germany reports two more cats killed by bird flu.

Beaumont's Least Greatest Lover

On the local news tonight was the story of a 15 year old boy looking for love in all the wrong places.

His misguided escapades began at 12:17 a.m. when police were called to a home here in Beaumont where the daughter of the homeowner woke to find the partially dressed young man in her bedroom. When the girl screamed, her mother chased him out of the house.

At 12:34 a.m. police were called to another home in the next block where an elderly woman, who had fallen asleep on her couch, woke up to find the boy kneeling in front of her saying he wanted to sleep with her. She told the reporter that all she could see were huge round glasses staring at her. She was able to fight him off and wrestle a pair of scissors from him. After being man-handled by granny, the boy fled the premises.

At approximately 12:45 a.m., the police received a third call from a nearby house where the homeowners noticed someone trying to break into their house. Unable to gain entry, the sex crazed teenager moved on.

Two minutes later, at 12:47 a.m. police received a call from another neighbor who reported hearing glass breaking. Casanova's luck had finally run out. Police caught him inside the home and arrested him.

The boy gets points for perseverance.

How to Talk to a Human

My friend Susan at A Silly Man sent me an e-mail tonight which included a link to a website with information on how to get past the recorded messages when you phone a company so that you can speak directly to a real person (http://www.gethuman.com/us/).

The strange thing about receiving this e-mail tonight is that I was in desperate need of this list Saturday morning. My upstairs toilet quit working and I was freaking out because I didn't know if I had a plumbing emergency on my hands or just some mysterious broken toilet part. All toilet parts are mysterious to me.

When I called my home warranty company, it was exactly like that guy on the television commercial where you have to say words instead of punching numbers on the telephone's keypad. When the voice asked for my street name, I was tempted to say "Big Boy" but I resisted.

When I got to the end of all of the voice prompts and was not given the choice to talk to a person, I became frantic. By answering the question, "Are any of your systems completely disabled?" with the word "No", I was told that I would be contacted by a technician on Monday and the call disconnected. Monday!

I was finally able to speak to a real person by calling the number you have to call to purchase a new home warranty. That nice lady told me that every company has a word you can say to get past the recordings and, if you don't know that word, all you have to do is remain completely silent through all prompts. When you are completely silent, the system assumes you might be handicapped in some way and sends you to a human.

I'm still waiting for my toilet to be fixed but, if I need to talk to a human type person about it, I know the super secret password.

Mardi Gras - Mondo Kayo

My friend, Tim, over at Tim's Nameless Blog has a wonderful post up today about he and his family marching in Mardi Gras this year in the Mondo Kayo group. (The picture above isn't him. It's just something I got off of Google Images.)

Pregnancy Belly Art

I saw an ad in our local newspaper for Mommy and Me belly casts. I thought, "Surely, this isn't what I think it is." Surely, it was. The pictures below are from Mommie and Me Molds.




Here is another site with more examples and a photo of a lady in the plaster mold, pre-decoration.

Feel free to blast me for having this opinion but I find this to be one of the most disturbing and tasteless trends to come down the pipe in a long time. Are these people actually hanging these things on the walls in their homes? Perhaps, they're using them as salad bowls or potpourri holders.

The thought of my pregnancy outie being on display for all to see for posterity is bad enough but to have it painted and decorated, with pink flamingos, no less, or NASCAR (?!), is nightmare inducing, therapy required territory.

Ramones!

My Ramone's stuff already came in! Look for that hat on the Bourbocam in a couple of weeks.

The Reason I Fell Asleep Before Posting Last Night

Madam Rita's Seduction
Coat martini glass with Hershey's chocolate syrup then fill with:
Vanilla Vodka
Godiva Dark Chocolate Liquer
Bailey's Irish Creme
White Cream de Cocao

More Keyword Help

In order to assist people who arrive here through various and sundry keyword searches, from time to time I will try to provide an answer to what I interpret the question might be from the search phrase found in my stat counter.

For obvious reasons, the most popular search phrases for this blog for the past few days have been every conceivable combination of the words: boobs, New Orleans, Bourbon Street, breasts, tits, naked and Mardi Gras. For those search phrases, I feel that no explanation is needed and I am also certain that after they hit this blog, they moved along rather quickly.

Here are some other recent search phrases (which are exactly as I found them in my stat counter) which brought people here:

1. smelly people with big hats - Sounds a lot like my Aunt Hilda but I need more information.
2. teenage girls who fight their mother - Cage match or trailer park? Once again, I need more info.
3. miss vibration 5 - This would be the upgrade from Miss Vibration 4. Miss Vibration 5 includes a clutch and a kick starter.
4. tittie miss - Popular beauty contest created after the failures of Tittie Ms., Tittie Mrs. and Tittie Mr.
5. her mom's car out - Out of gas? Out of town? Out of the garage? I'm not sure what you're looking for on this one but it's a safe guess that you should put mom's car back in.
6. bouncer assaulting customers - It happens and it ain't pretty.
7. miss canada vs miss new orleans - Lorna vs. Laurie? I think I could take her.