This and That

Watch that spell check
My mom recently sent the whole family an e-mail telling us that my cousin's colonoscopy results were fine and that he only has "pileups." Spell check didn't recognize "polyps."

A friend of mine kept responding to my e-mails with a hearty "Defiantly!" I finally asked her if she meant "definitely." She did. Once again, spell check was the culprit.

If you're a professional clown, know where you're going
My dad is a professional clown. He got lost looking for a birthday party the other day and was stopped by the police. A 911 call had been made saying there was a strange man in a van dressed as a clown driving slowly up and down their street. As a huge crowd gathered, the lady who had booked the party came to his rescue after noticing the commotion down the block.

Old people do it, too
A friend of mine recently bought a house from an older couple. As her husband was putting things away in the bathroom, he felt something at the back of one of the drawers under the sink. "Oh, my God!" he said. "It's condoms!"

"Ewwww, they're so old," said the wife. "Why would they use condoms? VD?!"

"Agggghhhhh!" said the husband as he slowly pulled out...

...Polident tablets.