Monday, January 05, 2009

Your profanity filter will probably block this post

I have a potty mouth. I try to control it, but I come from a long line of potty mouths. My grandparents were poetic in their use of profanity and I do them proud on a daily basis. However, there are instances of my potty mouth-iness which will probably buy me several weeks, if not months, in purgatory.

  • Several years ago while driving down Dowlen Road after a building boom of churches, I looked at another building being constructed and told my sister, "It's probably just another damn church."

  • When I walked out of church a couple of weeks ago, I said a little too loudly, "Gotdammit, it's cold!"

  • This one doesn't have cussing, but I'm sure I didn't gain any heavenly favor either. While looking at a free calendar I got from church with pictures of saints, I told my other sister, "This is a pretty calendar, but Ava trumps St. Jude." (My kids gave me a calendar for Christmas with different pictures of The Grand-Fabulous Ava on every page.)

When I was making notes for this post last week, I wrote the following cryptic phrase, "It's fucking Christmas Eve!" I think someone told me a funny family Christmas story and that was the punchline and now I can't remember the story. If you're reading this post and it's your story, help a senile young woman out and tell us the story in the comments. You can be anonymous, if you like. I won't tell God.


Queen of Quite A Lot said...

the potty-mouth? definitely an occupational hazard. i never knew most of those words (or at least admitted to knowing them) before i worked in a law office. a good day for me is total f-bomb count lower than my age. a girl's gotta have a goal, right?

Lorna said...

a. I don't have a profanity filter
b. you might just barely register on one if I did
c. profanity in real life is so much more fucking acceptable than writing it down
and d. Yes, I will do anything for a laugh.

Leslie said...

I've got a potty mouth, too. Dave often comments about it. The truth is, he likes it when I swear. He thinks it's sexy. Motherly? Not so much. This is why my kids probably think I have a stutter - censoring myself it hard.

Inca From Peru said...

I think my wife is a potty mouth, but I am not sure how bad, because she cusses in Italian.

One time many years ago during an extended family (parents, siblings, aunt, uncles, cousins, etc.) Trivial Pursuit game, I missed a question I should've got and reflexively blurted out, "Goddamn it! Jesus shit a fucking nail!" Probably the worst single thing I have ever said.

Some of my aunts to this day think I will burn in hell for that one.

Laurie said...

Queen - Both law firms I've worked for frown upon profanity. Of course, we still curse. We just do it quietly. Also, I knew all the words before I got here.

Lorna - All of the above, especially "c."

Leslie - I have to stop cussing all over again (like I did when Cory was little) because of the grandbaby.


Steve said...

Compared to a few of your older posts, this one is positively fucking tame. I almost commented on a post you did several weeks ago where you heavily self-censored with the *. I thought maybe Ava was reading already.

Laurie said...

Steve - I started self censoring when our filter at work was blocking my at-work fans. :)