15 Minutes of Fame

My daughter-in-law went to a "Fame Party" and had the pictures below taken of their beautiful family. They are incredible. I'm not sure if this is available everywhere, but this is such a great idea. It's sort of like a Tupperware party, but with a photographer. Each family gets 15 minutes with the photographer and you purchase the whole CD of photos to do whatever you like with them. You can also purchase prints. Here's the link: Fame Parties.

My Grand-Fabulous-Son Talking About His Day

This is my one year old grand-fabulous-son Lucas (4 year old Ava's fabulous little brother) talking about his day.  What do you think he's saying?  I would love to know.

If I was a cop...

...I would spend all day searching for assholes who run stop signs.  Then, I would stop the asshole, turn off my cop-car-camera and slap the piss out of him.  Then, I would turn my cop-car-camera back on and give the asshole the largest possible ticket allowed by law.  Then, I would go to court on the day that the asshole tries to tell the judge (a) that he didn't run a stop sign and (b) that I slapped the piss out of him.  Then, I would tell the judge, "Throw the book at the fucker!"

Then, I'd probably have to get another job, but it would be so worth it.


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"It Might be Diarrhea"

Saturday, I had lunch with my family including my 4 year-old grand-fabulous-daughter Ava.  As usual, while we were waiting for our food, she announced, "Grandma!  I have to go to the bathroom."  Her dad was the same way as a child.  Every trip to a restaurant required an inspection of the facilities.

So, off we went.  When we got to the bathroom, she went into the stall, locked the door and announced that she was a big girl now and I did not need to go in there with her and that I did not have to help her wipe.

I made a quick scan of the restroom and decided that, if necessary, I could squiggle under the door in the event of a potty emergency.  Although, I didn't have to squiggle under the door for Ava, in an unusual bit of foreshadowing, later in the weekend I did squiggle under a door into a restroom stall to assist a friend in need.  That's a different blog post.

There was a young girl in the restroom with us and as she was complimenting me on Ava's cuteness, Ava announced from the stall, "Grandma, I think I have to poo poo."

"Okay," I said.

"It won't come out," she announced.

"That's okay," I said.  "Take your time."

"I'll sing.  That always helps me poo poo better."

The young girl stifled a giggle and as she left, a mother/daughter duo came into the bathroom in the middle of Ava's Poo Poo Serenade.  It was a lovely lyrically creative and melodically diverse tune.  And, it was loud.

The mother smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Grandma," Ava said, "I'm going to take off my skirt and my panties.  If I don't take them off, I might get poop on them and then people will be walking by me and they'll smell something bad and they'll say what's that smell and it will be poop on my skirt and on my panties.  I'm going to take them off."

"That's a good idea," I said.

As the mother/daughter team left the restroom stifling their own giggles, another lady walked in.  At this point, Ava announced, "Grandma.  I think it's di-uh-reeee-uh.  Yep.  It's di-uh-reee-uh."

That was when I quit trying to stifle my own giggles and busted out laughing.  Ava decided that this new turn of events might require some extra grandma help with the wiping and opened the stall door for me.

I'm pleased to announce that there was no di-uh-reeee-uh and the skirt and panties remained poop free.

To paraphrase 10cc, "The things we do for love...like walking in the rain and the snow...and helping your grand-fabulous-daughter go."

Mission accomplished.

No means no

A word of advice to all wait staff and, in particular, to the nice waitress who waited on us at Chili's today: Obviously, your manager told you to push the margaritas.  Perhaps, he actually did tell you that he would buy you a steak dinner if you sold enough margaritas. 

Even though we politely refused several times, you kept offering them anyway. Please keep in mind that you might be standing at the table of a person or persons in recovery or who possibly cannot drink alcohol.

That wasn't the case at our table, but you need to keep this in mind. When people say, "No, thank you," drop it. 

No means no.

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Tip to Stay Young

I like this tip a lot.  I think being in contact with lots of my former classmates and other fabulous people I haven't communicated with in 20 or 30 years through Facebook has turned back my mental clock...in a good way.  One great thing about being 56 is that I can be nostalgic about the '60s, '70s, '80s and  '90s.  I'll never run out of material to use to make myself feel young(er) again. 

From CNN.com - 

"Step back in time"

"Did you love punk rock music in college? Load some Sex Pistols tracks on your iPod. You might think that being so nostalgic would make you feel ancient, but research shows it can have the opposite effect.

In one study at Harvard University, people who were placed in an environment that resembled their youth -- with movies, music, and memorabilia from the past -- experienced marked improvements in their memory, vision, happiness level, and overall health.

'It shows that our mind-set is what limits us,' says lead researcher Ellen Langer, Ph.D., author of 'Counterclockwise.'

So do something that really takes you back (like re-reading your Anne Rice paperbacks!)."

Is that normal?

Yesterday when I was walking the neighborhood, I saw a white cat sitting in a yard being dive-bombed by dragonflies.  It was strange, because there were no dragonflies anywhere else.  Yet, there were about fifty of them torturing that poor cat.

Today, I saw possibly the same white cat leaning into a storm drain across the street from the dragonfly yard.  As I got closer, the cat leaned further and further into the drain and then jumped down into god knows where.  I went to the house of the dragonfly yard and rang the bell to see if the cat belonged to them, but nobody answered.

Do cats do this?  Will it be able to get out?  If it jumps up to get out, I don't see how it would be able to get out without hitting its head and falling back into the storm drain.

WTF?


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Beach Day! Crystal Beach, Texas (Bolivar Peninsula)

The Grand-Fabulous Ava's 4th Birthday Party

Cicada shedding it's shell

My daughter-in-law took this picture this morning of a cicada shedding it's shell. Look at the part that was covering its eyes.  Freaky!  Now, I can't get "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" out of my head.

"We need to check the pipes!"

Friday night my 4 year-old grand-fabulous-daughter Ava and I had a sleepover.  As we drove into my neighborhood, I noticed water pouring down the sidewalk of an unoccupied townhouse. 

I said, “Wow!  A pipe must have burst. “ 

Ava asked, “A pipe?” 

“Yeah,” I said, “We need to call somebody.”

In the thirty seconds between seeing the house with the busted pipe and driving into my garage, Ava fretted about the leak.  She asked who we were going to call and what was going to happen.  I told her we would call the City of Beaumont and someone would come out to fix the pipe.  When we got in my house, I called the city and was told that they had many calls about busted pipes because of the drought we've been experiencing, so it might be a while before someone checked on the pipe.

Ava immediately went into action.  “We need to call my mom and dad!  We need to tell them we called Beaumont Texas The City!  We need to go check on the house again.  We need to check the pipes!”

We put our things away and walked down the street to the scene of the great busted pipe incident.  We sat on the sidewalk and waited for a “Beaumont Texas The City” repairman to arrive.  When he got there, he began explaining to me what would happen next.  I said, “Oh, it’s not my house.  We’re just nosy.”  He said a crew would be out as soon as possible, but probably not until the next morning.  Disappointed, we went back home.

At 6:20 a.m. the next morning, Ava jumped out of bed and announced, “Grandma!  I’m ready to put on my day clothes.  We have to go check the pipes.”

We checked on the pipe several times that morning and, at one point, brought chairs and water and Ava’s baby doll Mary and hung out down there for a while.  When we decided the pipe wasn’t going to be fixed before lunch, we left the situation to the fine people of “Beaumont Texas The City” and went to lunch at my mom’s house.

When we got to my mom’s, Ava explained the dire pipe situation to my mom and my sister including the fact that the man from “Beaumont Texas The City” said we were “rosie.”  We all looked at each other.  Rosie? Ah.  Not "rosie."  Nosy.  I had told the repairman that we were being nosy.  I’m guessing that at some point in Ava’s long life, someone has called her “Nosy Rosie.”  The logic of a 4 year old.


The next day, our family got together for a pre-Fourth of July celebration.  Ava and I went in the back yard and found that my mom had tiny bugs all over her patio.  Not thinking, I said, “Rue needs to call somebody.”

Once again, Ava sprang into action.  She ran into the house, grabbed “Rue” (that’s what she calls my mom whose name is Ruby), grabbed anybody else who would follow her and picked up a cordless phone from my mom’s nightstand.  She led everyone outside to the patio while punching numbers on the phone. 

She told everybody, “Don’t be afraid!  It’s not ants!  It’s just doodlebugs!  Everybody relax!  I’m calling Beaumont Texas The City!  It’s okay!”

I looked at Jamie, Ava’s mom, and said, “She’s very pro-active, isn’t she?”

Jamie just nodded her head and smiled.

Suddenly, Ava shouted, “She’s talking to me!  Beaumont Texas The City is talk….”

Then, she stopped and listened. 

She turned to us and said, “She says she’s sorry.”

We all looked at each other and looked back at Ava.  Ava handed the phone to me and then went back into the house to tend to other important business.

When I took the phone, I could hear the recording, “I’m sorry.  The number you have reached is not in service.  Please hang up and dial again.”

Ava was satisfied with the obvious deep concern that the anonymous woman at "Beaumont Texas The City" had with Rue’s doodlebug infestation.  All she needed was to hear a friendly voice say they were sorry.  Life is simple when you're four.

Thanks a lot, Charlie Sheen

Last night, I dreamed Charlie Sheen was trying to get me to help him steal drugs and hide money.  For some reason, the money was in the form of a $10,000 check.  I successfully hid the check in a super secret place...my wallet..., but I forgot where I hid the drugs. Luckily, the drug guys and the police who were chasing us didn’t care about me, they were only after Charlie.  


When I got bored with Charlie’s bullshit, my dream changed to me hanging out with the boy next door who I grew up with.  We got married, but I kept forgetting to tell people I was married.  Probably not a good way to start a marriage. 


With all the running around with Charlie Sheen and the stress from my secret marriage, I woke up feeling like I had been...well...running from the cops with Charlie Sheen and hiding a secret marriage all night.  


Thanks a lot for ruining my sleepy time, Charlie Sheen, and sorry about the whole secret marriage thing, Steve.

I am a Cyber Bitch

Last week I was involved in an event which required coordinating people from Austin, Lake Charles, Hawaii and points local to meet at a specific location at a specific time. 

This morning, through a brief e-mail exchange, two of my chick friends and I were able to take the first steps in fulfilling our destiny to stalk...I mean...to meet...Adam Levine in September at The Woodlands.

Do you have any idea how complicated it would have been to accomplish these tasks without e-mail?  Without Facebook?  I'm sure that you do. 

I have a friend who is not on Facebook, who does not "do texting" and who constantly informs me, "I never read my e-mail."  It gets on my last nerve any time I have to contact that woman for anything.  Did you hear/read what I just said/wrote?  It annoys me to have to pick up a teeny tiny cell phone, punch a few numbers and say actual words in my actual voice to a dear friend.

I'm such a cyber bitch.


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Carnival Conquest Cruise - May 2011

Click here for photos of my Carnival Conquest cruise May 1 - 8, 2011 with my mom, Aunt Gladys, Aunt Bernice, Aunt Hazel and Aunt Dolores. We left from Galveston, Texas and sailed to Montego Bay, Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, Mexico. Below is a slideshow. Stories later.