In Laurie's Brain - Horrifying Limericks

There once was a werewolf named Sydney
Who howled at the moon every Wednesday.
When asked, "Why not Monday?"
Or, "What about Sunday?"
He said, "Go away kid, you bug me."


If you ever see a mummy in France
Don't ask the mummy to dance.
He'll unwrap his face
While grabbing your waist
And the bastard doesn't wear pants.


If you live in a house that is haunted
With ghosts that nobody wanted,
It's best to save face
And just give them the place.
Why would you want to be taunted?


There once was a monster named Frankie
Who scared all the folks in the county.
He had bolts in his neck,
Was the color of Shrek
And he made grown men scream for Mommy.


I once knew a sucky old vampire
Who was also a big fat liar.
He said, "I won't bite you.
A nibble just might do."
And now I'm not seen in a mirror.


There once was a zombie named Fred
Who wasn't so bad for undead.
I took him aside
And gave him some pie
And the fucker ate a chunk of my head.


By Laurie Anderson