Tuesday, March 31, 2009
EDITED TO ADD:
Click here for another fabulous slideshow from Julie Devillier.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Then, the doodling began. Are you left handed or right handed? Is it a pig or a horse in the hole in the yard? So many questions...
Then, Bonnie tried to spell Led Zeppelin. We tried Zepelin, Zeppellin, Zepelin. Then Cammie wrote Eagles, then I wrote Rush, then...
The cool people: Kenneth, Lori, Laurie, Arthur,Bonnie,Cammie.
Guy rows solo 2950 miles, is exhausted
Is that really a good idea?
I heard on my way to work that President Obama might suggest that the best solution for the automobile industry problems might be to let them go into bankruptcy. However, since the fear is that nobody would buy a car from a bankrupt company, the government would honor the warranties for those cars sold after bankruptcy.
Something tells me that a government that pays three thousand dollars for a hammer or a thousand dollars for a toilet seat, might not be the most qualified entity to be in charge of changing the oil in my car.
"Ma'am, you're going to need a new right front tire and we seem to have lost your oil cap. That will be $50,000, please. We accept food stamps."
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Last night, I got a call from my aunt asking if I had called her around 2:30 p.m. from my house. I told her that I hadn't and that, to my knowledge, nobody had been at my house yesterday afternoon. I don't have her number programmed into any of my phones, so it's also not possible that some weird electrical/phone/Roadrunner fluke automatically dialed her. She also said that she had her cell phone with her all day and really didn't understand how she could have had the "missed call" in the first place.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Here's her limerick:
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Chris Kozlowski (drums)
Chuck Ferguson (guitar)
David Simon (guitar)
Tony Buagas (vocal, acoustic guitar)
Joel Schoening (keyboards)
Joe Boucher (bass)
You can see Simple Logic, and I highly recommend that you do, at the South Texas State Fair on Saturday, March 28 at noon and Wednesday, April 1 at 5:30 p.m.
Now, for my nit-picky review of AC/DC tribute band Back in Black. I have a favorite AC/DC tribute band and their name is Hells Bells. As musicians, some would say that Back in Black is the superior band.
I, however, couldn't get past the fact that Back in Black's "Angus" was taller than "Bon/Brian." Not only was he tall, he was handsome in a Jim from The Office kind of way. That's just not right.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Boxmasters - Billy Bob Thornton's band - Dixie Dancehall
"As fantastic as all of that was, the highlight of my week was the discovery of the band I saw tonight. Evidently, they've been around a couple of years, but I had never seen them before. The band is called Simple Logic and the lead singer is the best I've ever seen locally and I've seen lots and lots and lots of incredible local talent in my day.His covers of Maroon 5, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Eric Clapton, Train, Dishwalla, Matchbox 20 and so many others that I can't even remember were perfection. Then, as if all that weren't enough, to top it all off, he did Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On."
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My mom recently sent the whole family an e-mail telling us that my cousin's colonoscopy results were fine and that he only has "pileups." Spell check didn't recognize "polyps."
A friend of mine kept responding to my e-mails with a hearty "Defiantly!" I finally asked her if she meant "definitely." She did. Once again, spell check was the culprit.
If you're a professional clown, know where you're going
My dad is a professional clown. He got lost looking for a birthday party the other day and was stopped by the police. A 911 call had been made saying there was a strange man in a van dressed as a clown driving slowly up and down their street. As a huge crowd gathered, the lady who had booked the party came to his rescue after noticing the commotion down the block.
Old people do it, too
A friend of mine recently bought a house from an older couple. As her husband was putting things away in the bathroom, he felt something at the back of one of the drawers under the sink. "Oh, my God!" he said. "It's condoms!"
"Ewwww, they're so old," said the wife. "Why would they use condoms? VD?!"
"Agggghhhhh!" said the husband as he slowly pulled out...
Friday, March 13, 2009
There is a fabulous new place to eat in Beaumont called N-Fuego. It's sort of like Subway except with Mexican food ingredients instead of sandwich fillings and burritos, tacos, nachos, quesadillas and salads instead of bread.
You go through the serving line and the people behind the counter add your choice of ingredients to your order. It's a cute little restaurant (it used to be Novrosky's at Calder and Lucas) and has a nice patio in front.
The ingredients are mostly healthy and all of the meats are delicious. Give it a try. You won't be disappointed.
Below is a picture of just a couple of the good ole boys you'll find at E-Hominy.com...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My friend Jan tells me that this Friday night, March 13, the Space Rockers will be at Scout Bar on Crockett Street. She said they put on a great show and they really want to pack the house so Scout Bar will continue to book fun bands that make you want to dance all night.
I'm a little under the weather, so I don't know if I'll be there. If you're looking for something to do Friday night, go out to Crockett Street, eat dinner at Pancho Villa and checkout the Space Rockers.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
- You drive a huge gas guzzling SUV.
- Every morning you park on the street when there are plenty of spaces in the parking lot.
- By parking on the street, the traffic has to go around your car all day (it's a two lane street).
- The place that you park on the street is where the sidewalk exits the parking lot.
- When you get out of your huge gas guzzling SUV, you're always talking loudly on the phone.
- You never hold the door open for anyone walking behind you.
- Your pants are too tight.
- You run to the elevator and either stop it with your hand or holler for the people on the elevator to wait for you.
- The only obnoxious thing you don't do is throw cigarette butts everywhere.
- You do these things every...single...morning.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 09, 2009
When the interview was over, Harry did his wrap-up and Maggie Rodriguez who was sitting next to him suddenly decided to throw a turd in the punchbowl. She informed us that she spoke to “her banker” yesterday and he told her that federally insured money is indeed safe, but there is no law stating how quickly a person will have access to their money and that it could possibly take years for people to actually get their money. Harry went pale looked at Maggie with eyes that said, “WTF, Maggie? We were trying to make everybody feel better. STFU!”
So, the producers cut to Dave Price doing the weather and when they went back to Harry, he was split screen with Kathy Bates and Kathy was pissed. Kathy/Sheila told us that if the FDIC steps in to insure your money, the transition is seamless and people can still use their ATM cards and write checks and yada, yada, yada. Piece of cake.
Not to be outdone, Maggie the Turd Thrower pressed Kathy Bates to admit that there is no time limit provision in the law saying how quickly the money must be made available to bank customers. Sheila/Kathy said, “No b*tch. There is no provision in the law about time limits, but I’m the chairman and this is how it’s done and don’t make me go all Misery on your ass and bust your ankles and sh*t.” I’m paraphrasing.
Sheila went on to say, “There are disreputable people out there like your dumbass banker ‘friend’ who are telling people it could take years to have access to their money, because they’re trying to sell people high risk insurance policies and gold coins and c-r-a-p like that.” Once again, I paraphrase.
Maggie, who obviously took a toke off the old crack pipe right before air time couldn't let it go. “Well, I’m going to make a phone call to my banker at Chase, right f-u-c-k-i-n-g now.” (She didn’t say f-u-c-k.) So, Mags caused this whole uproar, made Harry Smith go off-script, disrupted the entire Early Show, pissed off the FDIC and then decided, as an encore, to throw Chase Bank under the bus.
At that point, I had to turn off the television and get ready for work, but I imagined this going on all morning. Did the president of Chase then come on after the next commercial break to give us his two cents? Did Maggie then admit that perhaps it wasn’t her banker “friend” who gave her the bad information and that maybe it was actually Tom on MySpace who said he’d be her friend if she bought a krugerrand? Then, Tom comes on and is all, “WTF, Maggie?” and she’s banned from MySpace forever?
Would serve her right.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
From the last line of his obituary (which he wrote himself): “Maudlin plans to be cremated and then will reincarnate.”
Friday, March 06, 2009
I've got a busy weekend, so I'll talk to you Monday. For now, chew on this (which I found out about on The Bayou.)
"First Southeast Texas Paranormal Convention - March 12-13, 2010, Beaumont, Texas. The convention will be held at the Beaumont Civic Center. General Admission is $20, Please contact us for more information or to participate. After the convention join us for a 3 hour concert with local bands." Texas Society of Paranormal Investigators
Note: Comments have been disabled on posts about the paranormal conventions. Someone (NOT ME) has created a site to continue those discussions if you're interested. CLICK HERE.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
By the way, if you're the kind of person who waits until your sponge starts smelling like stinky feet before you throw it away, don't invite me over for dinner. I prefer to get my salmonella from peanut butter.
You know what? Don't even buy nasty ass sponges. They're little bacteria condominiums. Buy a sack of lovely colorful rags at the dollar store and use a new one every day. That's why God invented washing machines.
On another disgusting subject, I just saw a commercial for scented garbage bags. Allegedly, you need this product so your garbage won't stink up your house. Here's an idea. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
- ...I had a dog named Jo-Jo so I could say, "Get back, Jo-Jo."
- ...that the time clock for work was in the elevator lobby.
- ...my condo association would get their shit together and fix my Hurricane Ike blue roof already.
- ...upon stars.
- ...I wasn't too cheap to hire a housekeeper.
- ...pecan-pralines-and-cream ice cream was good for you.
- ...I enjoyed running.
- ...I could be sitting in Jackson Square drinking a banana-pina-colada daiquiri.
- ...I could be in Las Vegas.
- ...I had two puppies so I could name them Mulder and Scully.
- ...I could think of something to blog about.