Saturday, April 29, 2006

Keith Richards Falls Out of Palm Tree on Fiji

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree earlier this week on the island of Fiji and was treated for a mild concussion.

Of all the ways I would expect Keith Richards to injure himself, falling out of a palm tree, on Fiji, no less, wouldn't even be in the top one thousand. Number one would be some sort of accidental electricity mishap involving his guitar and a close second would be falling off a stage during the fifth bar of a rousing Satisfaction encore. Numbers three through ten would probably involve drugs and/or alcohol and the top twenty ways of Keith earning a trip to the ER would be rounded out by any multitude of well earned sexual, chemical, toxic or wardrobe related incidents.

Wouldn't you love to be the doctor who has to decide if there's any brain damage? To start with, the man is 62 years old and he was up a palm tree. Most people stop climbing trees much earlier than 62, let alone a tree with no branches. I think the bar is going to have to be set pretty low as far as the benchmark for when this guy is released back into the general population as back to normal. Normal for Keith Richards certainly has to fall into a medical category all its own.

Edited to add: Two additional bits of information are floating around this morning. The first is that Ron Wood was with him which begins to explain why he was up that tree in the first place.

"I fancy a coconut."

"Well, mate, why don't you just shimmy up that lovely coconut tree there and have a go at it?"

"I bet I can."

"I bet you can't."

The second bit of information, which I've only seen on blogs and not in an official news source, is that, after Keith was released from the hospital in New Zealand, he went back to Fiji and promptly got on a jet ski, had another accident and was taken back to the hospital. I bet Ron had something to do with that one, too.

"Double or nothin' on the jet ski over there?"

"You're on, mate."

Of course, to someone just passing by, this would all sound like...

"Djoijlfm oimn oinfoienalsi tha?"

"Ymoifem oji mate."

Beginner Bloggers

Seven has a good article for beginning bloggers over at his Blog Flak site.


My mom sent me this:

I went to the Conoco station and asked for $5 worth of gas.
The owner farted and gave me a receipt.

Hell's Bells Rocks

Today, my office friend, Darlene came into my office at about 11:30 a.m. and announced that my absolute favorite tribute band, Hell's Bells, would be playing at Cactus Canyon tonight.

I did my best to accumulate a crowd on such late notice. As far as I know (and, as you know, I keep up with these things) there was no advertisement that these guys would be playing at all. In fact, Jack and I had discussed it only a week previously and had thoroughly checked their website to see when they would be in the area. In the past, when they played at Antone's, the place was packed and we had to work to get good seats. Tonight, in the Back Room at Cactus Canyon, there was a maximum of 50 people in the club.

These guys still rocked but, by the time they played She Shook Me All Night Long, there were ten people in the place. When they played that song where "Angus" shows his ass (and he did), there were about eight people in the place. For Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and For Those About to Rock, there were six of us. The good part was that they were, literally, playing for just us. The bad part is, these guys deserve much better.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Meme Me, Baby

Stolen from Old Horsetail Snake by way of Neal...

I AM looking for love in all the wrong places.
I WANT you to want me.
I WISH I had a watermelon.
I HATE spiders and snakes, and that's not what it takes...
I MISS but I keep trying anyway.
I FEAR fear itself.
I HEAR ringing. (That's normal, right?)
I WONDER I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder, why. Why, why, why, why, why...
I REGRET starting this.
I AM NOT as clever as I thought I was tonight.
I DANCE because when I skip, people look at me funny.
I SING because when I dance, people look at me funny.
I CRY because when I sing, people look at me funny.
I AM NOT ALWAYS responsible for everything they say I did.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS then I throw it away.
I WRITE all wrongs.
I NEED you to need me.
I SHOULD have deleted this.
I START me up.
I FINISH You Danish?

Big Bear

I've received these pictures by e-mail a couple of times this week so you might have already seen them. Here are two stories that go along with the pictures:
Snopes (Be careful on this link. There is a particularly gruesome picture at the bottom.)
Truth or Fiction

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Beaumont Enacts Smoking Ban

Beaumont City Council passed a smoking ban on Tuesday effectively banning smoking in all public spaces (excluding some hotels, private clubs and charitable organizations). A person may smoke outside of a business establishment as long as they are at least 25 feet from the door.

I understand the concern of bar and restaurant owners over the possible loss of revenue caused by the ban. However, my drinking and smoking friends are not going to stay away from bars just because they can’t smoke. The lure of alcohol, live music and socializing will override the inconvenience of having to go outside to smoke. Any loss of smoking revenue by bars and clubs to neighboring communities which still allow smoking should be more than made up by people who quit going to bars long ago because of the smoke.

It’s still amazing to think back to the days when people could smoke at their desks or in office break-rooms and on airplanes. In the not so distant future, people will also be amazed that smoking was ever allowed indoors anywhere, including bars and especially restaurants.

Happy Administrative Assistants Day

We had our annual Administrative Assistants Day celebration at work today. We enjoyed a catered barbeque lunch, complete with pecan pie and apple cobbler for dessert, and 15 minute upper body massages.

The massages were given by paid professionals and not by the attorneys which would have been a nice touch. All during my massage, the therapist had to remind me to breath. I’m also constantly in need of the drink-plenty-of-water reminder.

I'm a mammal, for God's sake. Should drinking water and breathing really be such a challenge?

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

75 Bands

I saw this online a couple of weeks ago and my brother has sent me THIS LINK which has a larger view of the picture and some encoded solutions. This was originally on the Virgin Records site (it might still be there). There are at least 75 bands symbolized in the drawing.

I have a list of solutions in my comments. (I didn't find them myself. My brother sent them to me.)

Here is a link on Flickr with the solutions marked on the picture.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Can't You Smell That Smell? Lynyrd Skynyrd

As I was driving to work this morning, I found myself stopped at a traffic light behind a small construction company pickup truck with four Hispanic men riding in the cab. I noticed the driver look at me in the rear-view mirror and then the side mirror. He did this several times before alerting his cab mates that there was a hot chica behind them.

As you might have guessed, I’m quite fetching in the mornings when seen through a rear-view mirror, from a distance of 20 feet or so, with my Wayfarers on, baby. In response to the Chica Alert, the guy second from the right pulled down the visor on the passenger side and all three of the passengers glared at me through the mirror on the visor. Cool move, dudes.

Then, I noticed they all started laughing and looking at each other. My fragile self-esteem was crushed. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I gripped the steering wheel and softly wept. Actually, I didn't really start crying, but that was a lovely piece of writing, no? What I was really thinking was, “Fuck you, you idiot construction worker assholes.”

Then, the guy sitting beside the driver started waving his arms in the unmistakable fashion of someone trying to disperse a really nasty fart. As it turned out, they weren’t laughing at me at all. One of those guys had evidently cut a big one in the over-crowded cab of that little truck.

Thank, God. It seems that smelly construction workers still find me attractive...when seen through a rear-view mirror...from a distance of 20 feet or so. Yeah, at least I’ve got that going for me.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Poor Bastard...

This is a Keyword Analysis (words entered into search engine that brought them to this blog) entry from my Stat Counter this morning...

how the fuck do i get pccillin off my computer

Saturday, April 22, 2006

More Pictures on Flickr

CLICK HERE for more pictures on Flickr (Crawfish Boil, Easter BBQ, After 8 and Cam Pyle)

You Must Be Joking

A man goes into a psychiatrist's office, dressed only in Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well I can clearly see you're nuts."

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.

Who's there?
Schizophrenic interrupting cow.
Schizophrenic inter-

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Control freak.
Now you say "control freak who?"

Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone!

Q: What's the difference between a 7-11 and a smurf?
A: A 7-11 is a 24-hour convenience store and a smurf is a small blue fictional cartoon character.

J: How many frogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
L: I don't know, how many?
J: Five!
L: Why five?
J: [shrug] I dunno.

Why do farts stink?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Two cows are grazing together. One says to the other, "By the way, aren't you getting worried about that mad cow disease that's going around?"
The second cow replies, "I don't give a shit - I'm a helicopter."

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

A rabbi, a horse, and an astronaut walk into a bar. The barman looks at the three of them and says "Hey, what is this, some kind of joke?"

Did you hear about the woman who walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre?
The barman gave her one.

Two guys walk into a bar.
Which is odd, because you would think at least one of them would have seen it first.

A duck walks into a convenience store. "Hi," he says, "got any duck food?" "No," replies the clerk. "Okay," the duck says, and leaves. Next day, the same duck walks into the same convenience store. The same clerk is there. "Hi, got any duck food?" asks the duck. "I told you yesterday, no!" the clerk says. "Okay," says the duck, and leaves. This continues for a couple of days until finally the clerk can't take any more. "Look," he snaps, "we didn't have any duck food yesterday, we don't have any today, and we won't have any tomorrow! And if you come in here and ask me for duck food one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to the floor!" Then he kicks the duck out of the store. A few weeks later, the duck comes back. "Hi," he says, "got any nails?" The clerk is taken aback. "No," he replies. "Great!" says the duck. "Got any duck food?"

There was this baby polar bear running around playing away quite happily for a while when he comes to his mother and says "Mummy, am I a real polar bear?""Of course you are dear, now go and play."A little while later he comes back and says "Mummy, are you QUITE sure I am a real polar bear?""Yes dear, I am QUITE sure you are a real polar bear. Now go and play because Mummy is busy, dear."A little while later he comes back yet again and asks "Mummy, are you POSITIVE that I am a real polar bear?""Yes dear, I am positive about that. Your father is a real polar bear father and I'm a real polar bear mummy and you are a real polar bear baby.""Well, if I am a REAL polar bear, why am I so fucking cold?"

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Guy writing to the Bombay Zoo:
Dear Sir, Please send me two mongooses.
Dear Sir, Please send me two mongeese.
That's not it...
Dear Sir, Please send me two mongi.
Dear Sir, Please send me a mongoose. On second thought, make it two.

What did the farmer say when he opened his barn and his plow was missing?
"Where's my plow?"

Q: What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
A: Half of a cat.

Two friends are hiking in the woods, when they suddenly come across a wide, deep, perfectly round hole in the ground. It is so deep, they cannot see the bottom. Intrigued, one friend finds a pebble and drops it in... silence. The second friend finds a large rock, hefts it over, and pushes it into the hole... silence. Finally, the first friend finds a huge wooden plank, pushes it in, and listens... silence.Then a goat comes running through the forest at about 60 mph and jumps straight into the hole, disappearing.As the two friends are taking this in, an old farmer walks by.Farmer: "excuse me, have you seen my goat?"Friend: "we saw a goat, but it just ran straight into this mysterious hole."Farmer: "Oh, then that goat couldn't have been mine. My goat was tied to a huge wooden plank"

Why do mice have such small balls?
Because very few mice know how to dance.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

A man is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Opens the door, nobody there. He looks down and sees a snail on the front porch. Huh. He picks it up and chucks it as hard as he can. Three years later, the man is sitting in his living room, hears a knock. Opens the door. There's a snail on his porch.
Snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

A dog goes into a telegram office and says to the operator, "Woof woof woof woof woof woof. "
The operator copies it down and says, "You know you can send one more woof for the same price."
The dog says, "But, then it wouldn't make sense."

Friday, April 21, 2006

Pregnant Pause

Last night we went to see Collective Soul at Cactus Canyon. All week long, I would tell people I was going to see Coldplay and they would say, “WHAT?” Then, I would regroup and crush their spirits and say Collective Soul.

I thoroughly enjoyed the show even though we had crappy seats. Collective Soul is quite talented and quite cute. However, for some reason, I was most impressed with the lighting. I guess it was just one of those nights where I was entranced by shiny things.

Regarding the crappy seats, the last few shows we have seen at Cactus Canyon were sparsely attended so, for some reason, Terry, Melissa and I thought we could show up at 7:00 p.m. when the doors open and still get a good place to sit. When we arrived, the line was already past the Chinese restaurant, which means nothing to most of you. Put another way, the line was long. I was worried that we wouldn’t even be able to get barstools but we did manage to do that and we even had a rail to place our empties.

Terry and Melissa and I only had to save two seats: one for Dan and one for Jack. However, at one point, this was more than I could manage and a girl came up behind me as I was sitting down after going to the bar and stole Jack’s stool. Terry and Melissa started yelling at the girl, “No, no, no! That’s ours.” The girl gave us her best “go to hell” look and walked away. I looked at Terry and Melissa and said, “What a bitch!” They said, “Well, she WAS pregnant.” I hadn’t even noticed. I felt bad but, if you’re seven or eight months pregnant and you’re going to a concert, getting there early to get a chair should be your first priority. I half-heartedly looked for her to give her the stool but quickly lost interest in that.

Later in the evening, a man who weighed, no exaggeration, at least 400 pounds sat on Dan’s chair. We decided we didn’t need all those chairs after all.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Gas Prices - Holy Crap!

Click here to see which gas stations are selling the least expensive and most expensive gas in your zip code.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What Time Is It?

Today, we got an e-mail from our office manager saying that a vendor had sent the office three electric letter openers to thank us for our business and whoever wanted one should go to her office, first come, first served.

"Good grief," I thought. "How overworked must a person be that they are so overwhelmed, so completely exhausted, that they absolutely, positively could not possibly open one more envelope with a regular letter opener?"

As I processed this information, I read the next sentence of the e-mail: "It's also a clock!"

Well, in that case...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Another music recommendation from Jack is a fun way to discover new music through Pandora. You enter a song or artist you like and the site provides you with stations and artists which are similar in composition to that particular style of music. This is the outcome of the Music Genome Project which I couldn't begin to explain to you but you can click on the link and check it out for yourself.

Evidently, I'm a sucker for mild rhythmic syncopation, major key tonality and a male vocal-centric aesthetic. Several of them also had "extensive vamping." What the hell is "extensive vamping?"

I have my stations on the sidebar and you can do the same by clicking on the following link. (I couldn't make a hyperlink with it for some reason.)

Edited to add: Last FM is another site to use to discover new music.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Viagra and Other Bones

This weekend while waiting for a band to start in The Back Room at Cactus Canyon, we were sitting in the front portion of the club. There were the seven of us there and maybe eight or nine other people in the whole place. Melissa and I began to drink Long Island Teas and, for some reason, decided to get up on one of the little elevated areas in the corner of the dance floor. I repeat, the place was empty. I also repeat that we were drinking Long Island Teas.

As Melissa and I shook our groove things, it occurred to me that this would make a good commercial for all of those medications for women and their brittle bones. All of the people in any commercial aimed at people over 40 are walking in the park, visiting museums, gardening and eating lunch. Not all of us are taking life so easy. You just can't tell how old we are because we aren't acting or dressing like all those people in those commercials.

The same can be said for the Viagra commercials. Every commercial shows these adoring couples giving each other these sickeningly sweet coy looks as they, once again, walk in the park or do a little gardening. These commercials should be showing men hanging out at Hooters or couples dirty dancing and fondling each other in a bar in Las Vegas or New Orleans, not walking in the damn park.

As a side note, we need to do away with the term middle aged. The youngest of our group (not counting our kids who occasionally join us now) is only middle aged if, God willing, she lives to be 78. We aren't over the hill, yet, either. We're at the very top of that hill on a lovely plateau and we won't be ready to go down the other side, once again, God willing, for a very long time.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter Everyone!

A few notes:
  1. Dad - We got a good report on my dad. He didn't want me to blog anything yet but I know you guys are wondering. The nasty bit on his pancreas is operable. His next appointment at St. Luke's in Houston (wonderful people!) is in a couple of weeks.
  2. Southeast Texas - I had a comment from a fellow blogger who is transplanted from Southeast Texas to Florida who says he reads my blog when he's homesick. It never occurred to me that people might be doing that so, I'm going to try to include more hometown stuff on this blog.
  3. Kelly and Clay - We had our family crawfish boil yesterday and we missed you guys. I thought Bonnie called you and Bonnie thought I called you. Hopefully, you guys had other plans and it's not our fault you missed it. Hell, let's just have another crawfish boil. This big kiss and extra Happy Easter go out to you and the kids and mom and dad and brothers and sisters and anybody you want to kiss for me.
  4. Radio Free Texas - Check out my new button on the sidebar for Radio Free Texas (thanks Jack) and support Texas music. That's an order.
  5. Annual Pre-Easter Crawfish Boil, After 8 and Cam Pyle - The crawfish boil was great fun and it was wonderful seeing all of our family and friends. After the crawfish boil, we watched a DVD slideshow my sister's husband, Dan (my favorite brother-in-law), made of some of our New Orleans pictures taken over the last twelve years. We then went out to The Back Room to see After 8 (a bunch of ex-Jive Train guys and they were fantastic!) and then to Antone's to catch Cam Pyle's last three songs. Check your voice mail because drunken messages were left. Mucho pictures will follow.

Love to everyone and Happy Easter!!!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

As Good As I Once Was

Tonight was the David Lee Kaiser CD release party at Antone's. He was referred to more than once tonight as *country that rocks* and that is an apt description. I left early, what with the big annual pre-Easter crawfish boil tomorrow and everything, so I'm sure I missed a lot of the rocking but I do love that boy.

When I go to a club to watch live music, I have this obsession with (1) having a chair and (2) having the best possible seat in the house in the most advantageous geometric configuration speaker-wise and view-wise I can possibly get. Therefore, I am the designated scouting party. I am the person who gets to the club as soon as the doors open and holds chairs for all of my lovely friends and family.

Some folks might see this as worthy of praise while others might think I'm goofy for sitting somewhere an hour or two before the event of the evening starts. However, no praise is needed (though I do love the *thank yous*) nor am I goofy. The trick is in the fact that I am easily entertained. For example, while I waited for my friend to arrive this evening, these are the things I contemplated:
  1. There are exactly three good places to sit in Antone's for a perfect sound/visual configuration. Two were taken so I chose the rail. This was an excellent choice, by the way. You can really kick back and put your feet up on the rail.
  2. It was nice of the stage designers to include handrails for the drunk musicians to enter and exit the stage.
  3. Why the fuck can't someone come up with a way to eliminate all the stupid posts that obstruct the view for so many of the seats in Antone's?
  4. The best lyric I've heard in a long time: I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Blogger - Saving Posts as Draft

About six months ago, I wrote a fairly long post and decided to save it as a draft. When I went to the Edit Post area, it wasn't there. (INSERT STREAM OF CUSS WORDS HERE.) I tried to save a few more posts as drafts and they weren't there either.

From time to time over the last six months, I have fiddled with it and written Blogger and searched Blogger Help and Googled the problem but to no avail. Last night, I Googled it again and there was a vague comment on a message board about not being able to save to draft in blogger and fixing the problem using a *drop down menu.*

I went back to the Edit Post area and, sure enough, there is a drop down menu at the top of the page which you can choose to view Everything, Drafts or Current. For some reason, my drop down menu was set on Current. I selected Everything and, by God, there was the draft of the original long post I thought I had lost and all of the experimental drafts I had created over the last six months.

So, if you're having the same problem, "You're welcome."

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Movie Timeline

Click on this link to go to the Move Timeline.

The timeline includes events both real and fictional as long as they appeared or were referenced in a movie. You can submit your your own contribution to the timeline by clicking this link.

From the site...

Who'd have thought that while Gangs of New York's Amsterdam Vallon was killing Butcher Bill, down the road Abraham Lincoln was being kidnapped by Bill & Ted...

And lucky Al Capone - he was sent to Alcatraz by Eliot Ness just in time to miss King Kong rampaging around New York...

Andy Dufresne was wrongly sentenced to Shawshank a few short months before someone else was framed - Roger Rabbit...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

My Life of Almost Crime

I went to work early the other morning and since I arrived so early, the back door of the building where I usually go in was locked. Laying in front of the door was a copy of The Port Arthur News which had, evidently, been delivered for someone in the building.

I picked up the paper and as I walked around the building to the front door, I considered keeping it since I hadn't read my hometown newspaper in a long time. As I opened the front door, I decided I should just leave the paper at the guard's desk and stop coveting other people's stuff.

When I walked into the lobby of my building, I noticed the building guard behind the desk. As I walked toward his desk to leave the newpaper, he said, "You got my paper?"

I said, "Yeah. How did you know?"

He said, "I saw you pick it up on the security camera."


Last Night I Dreamed

Last night I dreamed I could put my foot over my head.

I was ridiculously proud of it, too.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Tagged by Neal in Antarctica

Four jobs I've had:
  1. Swimming pool basket room clerk (2 summers)
  2. Ophthalmic assistant (10 years)
  3. Law firm office manager (7 years)
  4. Paralegal (12 years, so far...)
Four movies I can watch over and over:
  1. The Godfather
  2. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
  3. Annie Hall
  4. Pulp Fiction
Four places I have lived:
  1. Port Arthur, Texas (23 years)
  2. Nederland, Texas (1 year)
  3. Groves, Texas (4 years)
  4. Beaumont, Texas (19 years)
Four TV shows I love:
  1. Sopranos
  2. Deadwood
  3. The Office
  4. Boston Legal
Four places I've vacationed:
  1. New Orleans, Louisiana
  2. Las Vegas, Nevada
  3. Roswell, New Mexico
  4. Colorado Springs, Colorado
Four of my favorite dishes:
  1. Gumbo
  2. Spaghetti
  3. Sushi
  4. Shrimp fajitas
Four sites I visit daily (check out my sidebar for links to these and other blogs I like):
  1. Wang Chi's House of Pancakes
  2. Lorna in Wonderland
  3. Old Horsetail Snake
  4. Neal in Antarctica
Four places I would rather be right now:
  1. New Orleans
  2. Las Vegas
  3. New Orleans
  4. Las Vegas
Four people I am tagging:
  1. I
  2. wouldn't
  3. do
  4. that to you. But, you can do it to yourself...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Now That's a Bunny

My friend Jack sent me this story about a monster rabbit eating crops and it had this picture:

Of course, I couldn't stop there...

Happy Easter!!!

Sunday, April 09, 2006


I realize that every couple of weeks, I announce that I have discovered my new favorite adult beverage. A few short weeks ago, I was introduced to the delights of Mandarin vodka and cranberry juice and I do still love my Grande Suprema Margaritas and Bell'Agio Chianti.

However, there is a new kid on the block. Last night, after a delicious dinner at Frankie's, Jack, Miss Jane and I went to TEN on Crockett Street. As soon as we walked in, our bartender shouted, "How many Sugar Babies do we need?" Because of my Friday night indulgences at Battle of the Bands, I just couldn't handle the wonderful richness of a Sugar Baby Martini so I ordered a Mandarin vodka with cranberry juice on the rocks.

As I sat at the bar discussing Shane the Bartender's upcoming wedding, he said, "Here, I have something you'll like," and poured a beautiful maroon-ish colored liquid on ice into a lovely little cocktail glass and said, "Taste this." Both he and the waitress stood there watching me waiting for my reaction.

My reaction was, "Mmmmmmm, raspberries?" They both said, "No, pomegranate." The liqueur turned out to be Pama which, according to one website is "made from pomegranate juice, premium vodka and a touch of imported tequila." Premium vodka and imported tequila? Combined? Someone's been reading my mind.

My next cocktail was Pama on the rocks and it was not only delicious but it gave me the sort of buzz that made me want to break into Spec's and get me a bottle (leaving $23.55 plus tax on the counter, of course).

According to Wikipedia, pomegranates have all sorts of spiritual, mythological and mystical connections which, for me, adds to the allure of the liqueur. If ever there was a beverage fit for the title of Nectar of the Gods, this is it.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Keyword Search Phrase

This is a keyword search that brought someone to my blog this morning according to my stat counter. It made me sad...

(The Catholic University Of America)
District Of Columbia, Washington, United States

Date: 8th April 2006
Time: 12:33:49
Search phrase: twenty years old miss home

Sometimes you just know...

Sometimes you just know it's going to be a good night. We started out at Rio Ritas for dinner (me, Darlene, Bonnie, Tracey) and moved onto TEN for Sugar Baby martinis.

Then, Darlene and I met her husband and a few people from the office at Cactus Canyon for Battle of the Bands where a friend of ours was in one of the battling bands. I was a bit concerned about what a battle of the bands might entail but, by God, I was truly entertained.

Then, if that wasn't enough, after Battle of the Bands, guess who played. Wait for it. Wait for it.

That's right. One of our favorite Baton Rouge boys, Chris LeBlanc.

Good times.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Son, I said, Son...

Inspired by a lively e-mail exchange this afternoon, I present you with Foghorn Leghorn quotes. (I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 p.m. tonight and my brain is mush. This is the best post I can muster but I guarantee it will make you smile.)
  • That boy is about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
  • Son, I said Son...
  • I say!, I say!, The boy is bozerk!!
  • Clunk enough people and we'll have a nation of lumpheads.
  • Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
  • That woman's as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.
  • She reminds me of Paul Revere's ride - a little light in the belfry.
  • Gal reminds me of the highway between Ft. Worth and Dallas - no curves.
  • As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff.
  • Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind.
  • That kid's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
  • If the kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned.
  • Well, barbeque my hamhocks!
  • That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal.
  • That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.
  • Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?
  • You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'.
  • I've got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.
  • You look like two miles of bad road.
  • That boy's just like a tattoo...gets under your skin.
  • I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'.
  • Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red, white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver.
  • You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is.
  • Okay, I'll shut up. Some fellas have to keep their tongues flappin' but not me. I was brought up right. My pa used to tell me to shut up and I'd shut up. I wouldn't say nothin'. One time darn near starved to death. WOULDN'T TELL HIM I WAS HUNGRY!!
  • Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency!
  • Pay attention, boy! I'm cuttin' but you're not bleedin'!
  • Mutts - ah say - mutts is nuts!
  • I don't this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no.
  • That boy's so dumb, he thinks a Mexican border pays rent!
  • I don't need your love to keep me warm, Widow Hen. I have my BANDAGES to keep me warm!
  • A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on.
  • The dawg's busier than a centipede at a toe-counting contest.
  • Hey Dawg! I've come to bury the hatchet! Ha, ha. Not in your pointed head, Boy. I've come to give a present.
  • The snow's so deep, the farmers have to jack up the cows so they can milk 'em!
  • OH that woman Gotta mouth like an outboard moter, All the time putputputputputput!
  • That boy's as timid as a canary at a cat-show.
  • I need, I say, I need a pointer, and that dog's got just the head for it. Pointed, that is.
  • Go away, boy! Or I'll spank you where the feathers are thinnest.
  • What'ya doin' with a pump, boy? Diggin' for oil? You're crazy, boy. There's no oil within 500 miles of here. Geology of the ground's all wrong. Even if there WAS oil you'd need a drill not a tire pump.
  • Speakin' of figures. I put 2 and 2 together and come up with a 4-legged, smart alec mutt!
  • I sais, now I said, pay attention boy!

Update on My Dad

My dad has been referred to St. Luke's Hospital in Houston for a biopsy of the cyst on his pancreas. His gastroenterologist is referring him to St. Luke's because they have a machine that can do the biopsy with a scope inserted through the stomach and no surgery is done unless it is absolutely necessary.

He has been put on the "walk-in" list which means he is not an emergency and they will call him when they have an opening. We thought that was probably a good sign since they aren't treating the cyst as urgent.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

A Disgusting Post and a Dirty Joke

Disgusting Post

According to the Urban Dictionary the definition for *dingleberry*:
A Klingon near Uranus

Dirty Joke

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision. They were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Me - A to Z (Booze Version)

I had to cheat a little to make some of these fit alphabet-wise and I've never had a Nutty Russian but, hey, it's my list...

A – Absolut Citron Lemon Drop
B – Buttery Nipple
C – Chianti (Bell’agio)
D – Daiquiri from New Orleans daiquiri shop (pina colada/banana mixed)
E – Energy drink with a shot of Tuaca in it
F – Flaming Dr. Pepper (Gold Mine in New Orleans)
G – Gold (Cuervo) shot
H – Hurricane (Pat O'Brien's, of course)
I – Italian margarita
J - Jagermeister
K – Kahlua and Vanilla Vodka
L – Long Island Tea
M – Margarita (Best so far: Perfect Margarita at Margaritaville in New Orleans)
N – Nutty Russian (vodka, Frangelica, Kahlua)
O – Orange vodka and cranberry juice
P – Patron shot
Q – Quarter (French) Hand Grenade (Tropical Isle New Orleans)
R – Red Label Smirnoff Ice
S – Sugar Baby Martini (TEN on Crockett Street)
T – Tanqueray gin and tonic with wedge of lemon and wedge of lime
U – Up All Night (Can of Red Bull and shot of Jagermeister)
V – Vodka (Tanqueray Sterling) and tonic with wedge of lemon and wedge of lime
W – Woo Woo (vodka, cranberry juice and peach Schnapps)
X – X-tra hot Bloody Mary (Ralph & Kacoo’s or Pat O’Brien’s in New Orleans)
Y – Yucca-Do Punch (Christy's Christmas party)
Z – Zombie

Monday, April 03, 2006

Me - A to Z

Stolen from Old Horsetail Snake because I felt like it...

Accent - Southeast Texas mixed with a little Cajun
Booze of choice - Tequila, Smirnoff Ice, Tanqueray Sterling Vodka or fancy martinis or Black Russians made with Vanilla Vodka
Chore I hate - All of them
Dog or cat - Dog (but I don't have one...see "chores I hate" above)
Essential electronics - Computer, television, CD Player, DVD player, XM satellite radio
Favorite cologne - Calvin Klein Escape
Gold or silver - Mostly silver
Hometown - Port Arthur, Texas
Insomnia - Quite the opposite
Job title - Paralegal
Kids - 1 son and 1 daughter-in-law
Living arrangement- Uh...just me? a house? that the question?
Most admired trait - I am known as The Cruise Director
Number of sexual partners - Uh...
Overnight hospital stays - More than I thought once I started counting
Phobias - Heights. Well, not so much heights as falling off of heights.
Quote - "Is that right?" or "I might be wrong, but..." or "SERIOUSLY?"
Religion - Catholic
Siblings - 2 sisters, 1 brother
Time I wake up - As late as possible
Unusual talent - Squashing urban legends faster than a speeding bullet
Vegetable I refuse to eat - Peas
Worst habit - Staying up too late then being tired all day the next day
X-rays - Way too many to count. I'm an accident waiting to happen.
Yummy foods I make - Mostly desserts
Zodiac sign - Virgo

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Sabine River Band at Antone's

Last night we saw Sabine River Band at Antone's. This is a group of local guys who have been playing in the area for several years but, somehow, I had missed catching one of their shows. I'm pretty sure I graduated with the bass player.

The group was terrific and I highly recommend that you check them out if you have the opportunity. The band had two lead vocalists who sang everything from Ray Charles to classic rock, classic funk, classic country and also performed excellent covers of current artists like Maroon 5 and Matchbox 20.

My only complaint is that the talented lead guitar player is evidently shy and has a spot stage left behind one of the lead singers with no lighting on him at all. I had to twist myself into all sorts of weird contortions just to get an occasional glimpse of him. I wish he had been right up front between the two lead singers so we could really watch his solos.

The show was so good, I didn't realize it was 1:00 a.m. and that it was time to go home. I think part of the reason I enjoyed the show so much was that I was back at Antone's where the chairs are comfortable, the drinks are great (drink of the night: Mandarin vodka and cranberry juice) and the sound is always perfect.

Edited to add: I left a post on the Sabine River Band message board and received a response from the lead guitarist's daughter who says that, when there is room on the stage, he is usually all over the place and will occasionally go into the crowd and play the guitar with his teeth while standing on a table! Cool.